Drivers be Driving me Crazy

It's time to get real. I'm not a violent person, by any means. In fact, I'm pretty laid back and easy going most of the time. The one exception is when I'm driving. Being from Massachusetts, we have a reputation for driving like "massholes". However, whether you're a courteous driver or not, there are certain implied rules of the road that everyone behind the wheel should follow. When someone breaks one of those rules, I can't help myself...I want to punch them in the face. So here are the driving habits of others that make me want to drive off a cliff:

1.) Being bad at merging. Some of the items in this list fall under the category of having no common sense and some of them fall under the category of being an asshole. This one is an example of having no common sense. I'm writing you from the land of the never-ending story, the Big Dig (Bastian, call my name!!).  Merging, in general, is pretty easy. You go with the flow of traffic, and find a space to fit in.When your lane closes due to construction, you follow it to the end and then you file in line, every other car. You do NOT slam on your brakes and try to squeeze yourself into a stopped lane of traffic. Because that equals two stopped lanes of traffic. And 400 desperate drivers in need of Falcor.

2.) Cutting in line/Breakdown lane travel. Clearly, this is in the category of being an asshole. You know the situation. You're in line to get off an exit, or take a turn, and here comes some jerkface (probably in a BMW) who flies past everyone and cuts in front of some unassuming weak link (probably in a Prius) up at the front of the line. The self-entitled attitude of these people is astounding. We're going back to kindergarten law here-as Mrs. Buckley taught me, you wait your turn. Out of all the people on this list that I want to punch in the face, this douche is at the top.

3.) Business in the fast lane. Look, I understand that there are people that like to conduct their business (i.e., check their morning e-mail, put on lipstick, make their follow-up calls, read the paper, mix a smoothie, whatever) in the car on the way to work. I'm not opposed to that, as long as they stay out of my way. The fast lane is for the driving people. While I'm on the subject of the fast lane...

4.) Left-lane hogs. What is wrong with these people? If there is enough space between you and the car in front of you to hold an entire Macy's Day Parade, and there are at least 13 cars behind you, riding each other's bumper like there are magnets attached...then you know, move over.

5.) RAIN!! DRIVE FOR YOUR LIVES!!! Here in Mass, we drive in the snow. It's dangerous. It's slippery. If you don't have four-wheel drive, it can be scary. We drive slowly in the snow. However, this doesn't mean that we have to drive slowly in all precipitation. If it's not raining hard enough to make the road wet, then you can go normal speed--no need to call FEMA.

6.) Drive-thru know-how. This one's probably just me. I cannot stand when you're in the drive-thru line and the person in front of you hasn't pulled up right behind the car in front of it, meaning you can't be in front of the intercom. I feel stupid enough talking into a rectangle box decorated with pictures of food. Craning your neck and yelling at the top of your lungs to a rectangle box decorated with pictures of food makes it so so much worse.

7.) Unnecessary honking. We've all been there. You're sitting in traffic that just isn't moving. Maybe there's an accident. Maybe there's a traffic light delay. Maybe there's a flock of geese crossing the road. Whatever. If there is more than one person in front of you who's not moving, odds are there is something in their way. Laying out on your horn will not "blast" the obstacle out of the way, no matter how long you honk. Stop trying.

8.) Premature pull-outs. I drive down this street in Braintree almost every morning on my way to work and there are tons of side streets that enter into it. Almost every morning, the same thing happens. There is no one behind me. I'm zipping down at a good clip and I think I'm in great shape to make it to work on time. Then, someone, instead of waiting for me to pass before turning onto the street, feels as though it's now or never and pulls out in front of me. I may have tolerance for this if they speed up afterwards. They probably would have been tailgating me anyway. But, typically, without fail, this premature evacuater drives about 15 mph all the way to the highway.

9.) The Brake-happy Bunch. Nothing makes me want to bang my head against the windshield more than people who overuse their brakes, like the ones who stop at green arrows. There are times when brakes are good: red lights, stop signs, squirrels, etc. But, green means brakes are bad. Along the same lines, if you're already ten miles under the speed limit when you're driving down the highway, there's no need to brake when you see a state trooper. He's not going to pull you over, except maybe for being a dumbass.