Rain Man

I feel a little bit badly about this one because this guy probably is actually a nice guy. I think that his bad date behavior stemmed from inexperience. In fact, the friend who fixed us up tells me that she thinks that this was his first date ever. I won't give you his name. Let's just call him Rain Man. You'll see why.

Like I said, my friend fixed us up and gave him my phone number. He called, and when he suggested that we see a movie on our first date, I hedged a little bit. Who wants to see a movie on the first date? [Side note: the movie that he picked was Flawless. If you've never seen Flawless, it stars Robert De Niro and Philip Seymour Hoffman and is an uplifting tale about a security guard who suffers a debilitating stroke. Once, on another first date with someone, we saw Virgin Suicides- also a very uplifting tale about a group of teenage sisters who all commit suicide together. It was soon after these two incidents that I banned "going to the movies" from my first-date repertoire. Side note within a Side note: The Virgin Suicides guy dumped me for Jessica Biel. THE Jessica Biel. And that is partly why I hate her. Only partly.]

Anyway, back to Rain Man. Rain Man picked me up for our date and we were on our way. While we were driving, I turned to him and said, “Do you mind if we stop at an ATM somewhere? I don’t have that much cash on me.” Rain Man’s response: “Sure, I think there’s one at the mall on the way.” Ugh, Rain Man. I wish he had said “Don’t worry. I got this one. You pay next time.” But, that’s ok. I’m a liberated woman, right?

We pulled into the mall and Rain Man pulled up near the entrance and put the car in park. Again, I thought this was weird. He wasn't going to come into the mall with me? I felt like a tween whose dad just dropped her off. Still, I let it go.

Once I got back in the car, we drove to the movie theater down the street from the mall. We arrived at the theater and we walked up to the ticket booth and I expected Rain Man to take the lead here. But, he didn't. "Ok, Rain Man, I'll go", I thought. I went up to the ticket booth and said, “One for Flawless, please.” I was getting that Rain Man was not a "take charge" type.

There’s not much to say about what happened in the movie. We watched it. That's why a movie is never a good idea for a first date. But, the real excitement came when the movie was over and we went outside. It was raining. Not just raining….POURING. I didn’t expect Rain Man to offer to bring the car around considering the way the night had gone. And a little rain never hurt anyone, so I was ok about that. But, what I also didn’t expect was that he would make me wait in the rain for him to unlock the car door. You see, once Rain Man saw the rain, I saw another side of him come alive for the first time that night. He was RAIN MAN! He was taking charge. Of the RAIN! The second we stepped outside the theater, his eyes lit up and his whole aura electrified like the lightning flashing across the sky.

“It’s raining,” he exclaimed. “It’s raining!”
“You're a big fan of rain, I take it?” I asked.
“I love the rain,” he said. “It gives me a chance to put my rain gear on.” Did I hear that right? Rain gear??

Rain Man made a beeline for his car and I followed him. He unlocked the driver side door and hopped into the car. I tried my side, but it was locked. For a split second, I thought, "He’s going to leave me here in the movie theater parking lot. Stranded. In the rain." I cupped my hands against the window and peered into the car, the rain soaking me to the bone. There, I saw Rain Man, sitting in the driver’s seat…I watched through the window as he put on a yellow rain slicker, yellow rain pants, galoshes, and yes, even a yellow rain hat to top it all off. He looked like the Gorton's fisherman sitting in a minivan. While I was standing in the freezing, pouring rain, Rain Man was weatherproofing himself… inside the car.

Rain Man turned toward me and looked startled as if he forgot that I was there. In the excitement of putting on his rain gear, he must have forgotten that he had brought me along. He reached over and unlocked my side. I contemplated asking him if I could wear his slicker, as I was cold and wet. But, I couldn’t bear to crush his unbridled joy by threatening to take away his rain gear. So, I just sat there shivering and we drove back to my apartment.

I never saw Rain Man again. I like to think that he's settled down with his Rain Woman and they puddlejump and shop for galoshes for their little Rain Kids. But, I learned a life lesson that night. Always be wary of a guy who owns a rain slicker.