Chapter 7

I've mentioned that a male friend of mine has expressed that he would be concerned about dating me for fear that he'd end up in the blog. It's that sort of attitude that makes me hesitate before bringing it up when I'm dating someone new.

But, back when this was a book idea rather than a blog idea, I found myself talking about it on a first date. Looking back, I'm not quite sure what I saw in this guy in the first place. He was a smoker. He was unemployed. He had an affinity for Hawaiian shirts. And by "affinity", I mean that he wore one every single day. That's not hyperbole...he literally wore a Hawaiian shirt every single day. And so, for the sake of this story, let's call him Magnum, P.I.

Magnum, P.I. and I were discussing our hobbies, and I mentioned that I like to write and, at the time, was working on a book about unusual dating experiences. I stopped short in midsentence, thinking that this would not lead into good first date material. But, Magnum, P.I. surprised me by saying, "That is cool! Maybe I'll end up being in your book someday." To which I replied, "Yeah, who knows, you might be Chapter 7." And we laughed and laughed.

Magnum, P.I. was definitely fun to talk to, and he was very cute, so for the moment I was willing to look past the Hawaiian shirt, smoking, and lack of employment. We made our second date for trivia at his local bar.

The day that we were to get together for our second date, Magnum, P.I. called me on the phone. He told me that he had been doing a lot of thinking and had a really great idea that he would tell me all about when he saw me later that night. I couldn't wait to hear all about it.

I arrived first and grabbed a seat at the bar. Magnum, P.I. followed five minutes later, reeking of cigarettes, and wearing yet another Hawaiian shirt. After we made small talk for a little while, I said, "So, I can't wait to hear about this idea of yours!" Magnum, P.I. took a deep breath and said,

"I've been thinking a lot about your book idea. I think it's a good idea. In fact, I think it's a GREAT idea. I have a lot of marketing experience and I have a proposal for you. What if we wrote the book together? We could kind of do it as a dating 101 book. What to do and what not to do. And we could do it from 'his perspective' vs. 'her perspective. I think this book could be really big!"

Instead of thinking what I should have been thinking, which was "This guy has a lot of dreams for something that was my idea. And he might just be borderline delusional," I was thinking "Wow, this guy must really be interested in me if he's trying to make this into a long-term relationship of some sort. I think I'm interested in him too."

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I dated Magnum, P.I. I say that "I" dated him, rather than "we" dated because I think I was the only one of the two of us carrying through the dating action. Everytime we'd see each other, I would ask him more about his family, his life, his hopes, his dreams. And he would ask me more about whether I thought we should include a chapter on picking people up in random places, or just stick to what happens after you've gotten the date. It was when he  told me that he had bought  Dragon Voice Recognition software so that he could transcribe his writing ideas more quickly that I began to really think... He was awfully serious about this book thing. I mean, I had been "writing a book" for the past five years. But, within two weeks, he had actually gone out and gotten a voice recorder so that he could put his thoughts into words faster. And why did he talk about the book non-stop? Wasn't he curious about other things that were happening in my life? Was it possible that Magnum, P.I. was only into me for the book?

I began to pay closer attention to what was happening when we were together. And I noticed that he was all about the book all the time. Instead of e-mailing me, asking about my day, he was e-mailing the latest chapter that he had just finished. Whenever I called him, he would make me listen to endless rambling about past dates he had had and would ask whether I thought they were book-worthy. One day, I couldn't bear it anymore. I just came out and asked him. "Magnum," I said, "it seems to me that you're more interested in writing this book with me than actually dating me." He looked down for a second and then said, "Yeah, I think that's probably true. I'm just not ready for a relationship. I really enjoy my single life. I need to stay that way. And it's tough for me to feel an emotional connection with women. But, I think the book is a great idea for a business venture and I want to stay friends, so that I can write it with you."

I was floored. I half-joking when I said that it seemed that he was dating me for an unwritten book. But, here he was telling me that I was right on the money! He was actually keeping the relationship going for a book that I probably was never ever going to write because I'm too lazy. I told him that I would think about it, but the more that I did, I realized, I didn't want to share my book with him! One, he was a horrible writer. Two, as he was unemployed, he didn't really have anything else to do, and I think he saw this as a meal ticket. Three, that was weird. The writing was just a fun hobby that I picked up to entertain my friends. I was never thinking that I was going to cash in and become the next Carrie Bradshaw. And I began to think that Magnum, P.I. may not have been playing with a fully stringed ukulele.

So, the next day, I e-mailed this to Magnum, P.I.:

"I gave a lot of thought last night about continuing to co-author the book. To be honest, I'm just not ready to be in a committed business relationship. :( I really enjoy being a single writer and I think for now, I need to stay that way. It's just tough for me to feel an emotional connection to the book like you do. I hope you can understand and I really do want to still be friends."

Magnum, P.I. did not take this well. We went back and forth over e-mail for a while. "Melly, you're not being fair. You are crushing my lucrative profitable dreams." "Magnum, you can write your own book." After a couple of days, the pleading stopped. And besides one desperate attempt to connect with me on linkedin and become one of his seven connections, I haven't heard from him since.

And what do you know, he became "Chapter 7" after all.