Un-Parents Just Don't Understand

We all know that I have a habit of rolling over electronics in my bed while sleeping and accidentally pressing buttons. It usually gets me into trouble and Saturday night was no exception.

Recently, I have had a new “like” interest who is a single father of two. We were supposed to get together on Saturday night, but I had had a long day, so I called him and left a message telling him that I wanted to stay in. He sent me a text in response that he had “fallen asleep, putting his son down at his mom’s, and was going to stay with him for the night.”  

Exhausted, I went to bed at 10:00. Around 4:00 in the morning, I woke up to my phone ringing. It took me a second to realize that this was the sound of an outgoing call, rather than an incoming one. I sat up and looked at my phone which was calling “Single Dad”. I thought, “Oh crap!” and hung up as fast as I could. Evidently, I had rolled over on my phone and it had dialed the last person that I called. I knew that Single Dad had been with his two-year old son earlier and, if he still was, the phone might have woken them both up. I wanted to apologize then, but I knew that it would make it worse if I called or texted a “sorry”. If the first ring didn’t wake them up, the second one was definitely a bad idea. I figured I’d talk to Single Dad in the morning and I went back to sleep.

At 6:30 am, I receive a text message from Single Dad:

“Don’t EVER call me in the small hours again. You woke my son and he won’t go back to sleep now.”

Now, I get the anger.  It’s frustrating when your kid is sleeping and then all of the sudden, he’s not… because of someone else. I was a bit irked by the capital letters, but willing to chalk it up to his frustration. So, I responded:

“I didn’t mean to. I rolled over on the phone in my sleep and pressed redial. I tried to hang up quickly. Sorry.”

I thought that that would be the end. I made a mistake. He was mad. I apologized. Hopefully, he was forgiving. But, it didn’t end there. The next text I receive from Single Dad said:

“Also don’t ever call or text me before noon because if I have worked until late I will not be happy at having my sleep broken. Understand?”

All right. Now, he was crossing into uncalled for territory. Warning me about only contacting him during his “business hours”, I guess was ok. But, it wasn’t so much what he was saying. It was the way that he said it; with that “Understand?” My dad has used that tone with me in the past. I think that he stopped using it by the time I turned four years old. So, I could only come to the conclusion that it was very likely that Single Dad had no concept of the difference between talking to a child and talking to an adult.

Unable to let this one go, I responded:

“You know, your phone has an off switch…”

The next text that I received from Single Dad stated:

“But I have two kids that might not be with me and I may need to be contacted in an emergency. Right now I don’t appreciate your sarcasm”.

Ok, another dad-ism. This guy was three for three. So, I responded again:

“I would never intentionally wake up your son. I knew you were with him and I’m sorry about that. It was an accident. I will take your other statement under advisement.”

But, as the morning went on and it became 7:00 am, and I couldn’t get back to sleep, I began to think, here I am lying awake, because he texted me and woke me up, yet I didn’t feel the need to scold him like a colonial schoolmarm about it.  I couldn’t resist sending one more message:

“Do you see the irony of texting me at 6:30 am on a Sunday to tell me not to wake you up?”

Single Dad decided to leave the dad=isms and go for the threats:

“Keep this up and I will permanently block your number.”

Well, I had had enough. So, my final response was:

“No worries…I won’t be calling.”

I began to think about this a little bit more. I have discovered that as I’m entering my mid-thirties, I have two sets of friends. Those who don’t have children, who I don’t really have to think about whether it’s too late to call or whether I can invite them out last minute, and those who do have children, who I have to think twice about calling at night and that I have to notify in advance of a night out so they can snag a babysitter. There’s nothing wrong with either camp and I’ve always thought of myself as understanding of those who have children. But could I be telling all you kids all across the land, that there’s no need to argue, non-parents just don’t understand? Maybe I should have given Single Dad the benefit of the doubt.

On the other hand, I do have an idea of what parenting is like. My sister, Lori, was born when I was 7. I remember the sheer exhaustion of my parents and their zombie looks. I’ve seen Three Men and a Baby forty-seven times. Sometimes sirens go by, doorbells ring, heroin dealers come to pick up their “package”, and the baby wakes up. My own parents (who clearly are exceptional  at being parents, considering how fabulously I turned out) told me, in my mom’s words, “He’s a jerk.” Plus, as Andrea astutely pointed out, when I mentioned this to her last night, his reaction was not a knee jerk one. He had fumed about this for two and a half hours before sending it to me. And when you type all caps in the middle of a sentence…you have to make a conscious effort to put the caps lock on and then turn it off again. So, this wasn’t a Hulk Smash moment. This was a thoughtful and methodical Dr. Bruce Banner.

Therefore, I ultimately came to a conclusion, and I think that both parents and non-parents can agree: Single Dad…kind of a douche.