Port Chuck's fans Hit Higher Decibel than Bieber's

Did you know that soap opera stars like to sing 80's monster hits? Did you know that middle-aged women like to shed their sweatpants, don shiny sequined shirts, and dance and scream to a level rivaling any tween with Bieber Fever? Did you know that it's possible to sing Whitesnake's Here I Go Again badly? I learned all of these things and more at the Port Chuck concert last Friday night at the Wilbur Theatre.

Port Chuck is made up of four actors from General Hospital: Steve Burton, Scott Reeves, Brandon Barash, and Bradford Anderson. Basically, they travel across the country with a backup band and sing rock covers. When my sister, Stacy, asked me to go, I said yes immediately. I just couldn't pass up a chance to see this phenomenon in person. Plus, Steve Burton is super hot.

The band members came out first. They had a guitarist, bass player, keyboardist and a drummer. I quickly exclaimed to my sister, "Oh awesome, they have a female keyboardist!" However, when the stage lights came on, I realized that it was a just a guy who should rethink his haircut. The Soap Guys came out next. One by one. And the women screamed...loudly.

The music started and the guys lined up in front of the stage with four stand-up microphones. They sang (awkwardly) and danced (badly). It was reminiscent of the time when I watched some Theta Delta Chi brothers sing karaoke at one of their house parties. They would sing into the mikes, and during the breaks in lyrics, while the music played, they'd look awkwardly at each other and sorta hop around the stage. I think that this all could be fixed by hiring a choreographer. So, I'm surprised that after they've been touring for a few years now, they haven't done that. To add to the weirdness, at times, it was like the audience wasn't really there. Every once in a while, they would notice the screaming and blow a kiss or do something that induced more screaming. They sang such hits as the Outfield's Your Love, Springsteen's Born to Run, and more I'm sure...except I left early, so I couldn't tell you about them.

During the show, I noticed a few things. Scott Reeves seemed like he was high on something, and I don't think it was "life". Audience members seem to get up and go to the bathroom during country songs. Also, it is possible for bouncers and security at a rock concert to look even more bored than I originally thought they could.

I have to say that the sheer hilarity of it all did make it pretty fun to watch. My only disappointment is that Steve Burton kind of lost some of his hotness for me. I just can't handle it when people put their finger to their ear a la Christina Aguilera when they sing. I don't think that it does anything except make me laugh. He did it a few times. And I wish he hadn't. Because he's so pretty.

All in all, the next time they whisk through your town on their white motorcycles with the wind blowing through their luscious locks, you might want to check them out for the experience. Just lower your expectations in terms of performance and go into it much as you would a Harlequin romance novel.

Two Random Thoughts from this weekend

1.) This is why Crazy Pete is easily one of my most favorite people in this world:

I was out to dinner with a good friend from high school, Erin. We started discussing how much we love oysters. Which led me to talk about my oyster kick with Andrea lately. Which led me to talk about the food and wine festival in Miami coming up in February. Which led Erin to say that she really wants to go. Which led me to talk about Crazy Pete. Which led to this conversation:

Erin: Is he on facebook?
Me: Yeah, but his page is probably set to private. You should just friend request him.
Erin: But, he doesn't know me.
Me: It doesn't matter. I'm like 99.99% positive that he'll accept it.
Erin: Should I say I'm your friend?
Me: You can. But, I still think it doesn't matter.
Erin: Ok.

(38 seconds later...literally)

Erin (Laughing): Oh my God, he just accepted my friend request.

2.) A man walked by us carrying a balloon in the shape of breasts. Both Erin and I thought to ourselves, this probably won't end well. Let this be a lesson to you...here's the result of what happens when you carry a boob balloon through a restaurant with low-hanging ceiling fans.

Wine Weekend Part 3: Jumbo Coffees and Pint-sized Middle-Schoolers

I haven't gotten to the wining and biking portion of our weekend yet-- the reason that we traveled to the North Fork in the first place. When we were organizing the trip, we started an e-mail train with some ideas. Someone suggested visiting the wine trail up in North Fork. We all responded that that was a great idea! The next email someone mentioned that they took the ferry and rented bikes and biked from winery to winery. Next, someone wrote about how that would be great because our bachelorette loves to bike. The next girl responded with "great idea" and an offer to find a place to rent the bikes. I was sitting at my computer screen watching these emails go back and forth with a look of terror. I couldn't stop the runaway e-mail train and before I knew it, I had plans to bike.

The winery idea I was completely on board with. Wine, check. Being outside, check. Day drinking, check. Hanging with the girls, six checks.  So far this plan was all very "me". But on a bike? I hadn't been on a bike since the 10th grade, and that is completely by choice. I'm not exactly what you would call an athlete. I recycle and donate trees and whatever, but if I have a choice between riding a bicycle and driving my convertible, I'll choose the convertible 100 times out of 100, environment be damned. My thoughts were that we were going to rent a party bus or a van or limo or something and drive from place to place. So, I wasn't quite sure about the biking idea.

As it turned out, it was the best decision of the weekend. I sang the praises of Dan the Bike guy in yesterday's post. Not only that, I had no idea that North Fork Wine Trail was part of Bachelorette Party, U.S.A. I mean it goes 1.) Thunder Down Under, 2.) Drag show, 3.) Piano bar, 4.) North Fork. So there were tons and tons of bachelorettes in the area. And my two favorite vineyards that we visited were The Old Field Vineyards and Croteaux. Both places had beautiful and tranquil gardens overlooking the vineyard where you could sit and sip wine. And both places had gigantic signs out front that said "No Buses or Limos". So, biking was for the best as we wouldn't have been able to visit these gorgeous vineyards if we had gone with my plan. Plus, I looked pretty boss on a bike

After what was an amazing afternoon, we got dolled up and went out to a phenomenal dinner at Noah's restaurant in Greenport. Here's a list of what we ate so that you can be jealous: 1.) Blue Point Oysters, 2.)Pipes Cove Oysters, 3.) Beer and Bacon Glazed Spiced Almonds, 4.) Gorgonzola Rosemary Fries, 5.) Warm Lobster Rolls, 6.) Striped bass, 7.) Jalapeno Ginger Glazed Chicken Wings, and 8.) Squash Blossoms. I ate everything on that list and I'm not ashamed. I would shout it out from the fattiest fatty's rooftop with reckless abandon.

We then went out for a night on the town. [Edited to remove details: What happens in Greenport stays there.]

I definitely didn't want to say goodbye to everyone the next day. It's nice that I'll see them for the wedding weekend in September, but the boys will be there this time and it just won't be the same. Andrea and I went on another coffee run on Sunday morning. For the non-Dunkin addicts, we stopped at the cafe next door. Back to the clueless locals...this coffee shop had two sizes of iced coffee. Small Weenie Dixie Cup and Super Gigantic Incredibly Hulky In-Your-Face size. It seemed that they didn't think that people might actually want a normal-sized iced coffee. Faced with a tough decision, we got everyone the Mega-buckets...I think they were grateful(?). For scale purposes, we put them next to my Dunkins medium:

After coffee, we packed up and went back to the ferry. Andrea and I didn't get on the same boat as the others...again. But, we were old pros at this by now and that was par for the course. We were however on the same boat as about 150-200 boy scouts. They were everywhere you looked and scurrying around like mice. It definitely could have been worse...if you're going to be stuck with 200 male tweens, it's nice to be stuck with ones who act like...well, boy scouts. But, the line for the snack bar was a monstrosity.

So, that does it for our wine weekend. I definitely recommend a trip up there if you're ok with ferries and you like mega-buckets of coffee and wine. Check out the links because the places that I mentioned are really fantastic. And feel free to let me know what you think of them.

Wine Weekend Part 2: I'm on a bike!

One thing about Greenport, NY. The locals are very hospitable and friendly, but I found that in general, when it came to common sense, they were a few puddins short of a Snack Pack. My theory is that they drink way too much wine, which is something that I can relate to. But, here's what happened when I decided to start Day 2 with a coffee run:

Me to coffee guy: Hi there, I'm ordering 7 coffees.
Coffee guy: Ok, I can handle that.
Me: [handing him two refillable cups] First, I need one iced coffee with milk.
Coffee guy: [handing the cups to the girl next to him] One with coffee and one with milk.

Now, I was thinking that maybe he was just speaking coffee shop lingo. Like when you order two scrambled eggs on toast and the waitress yells "An Adam and Eve on a raft and wreck 'em" to the cook in the back. But, then the girl handed me a cup filled with milk and a cup filled with coffee. The next 20 minutes went something like this: "I need two more iced coffees." "you just ordered two." "Right, I need four altogether" "Ok, get me four more iced coffees!" "Wait! What?". That exchange was how most of the weekend was when we asked for things. It was a weekend-long "Who's on First" sketch.

For example, I was in dire need of a Dunkin Donuts. (I suspect that they may lace their coffee with crack cocaine.) So, I asked the girl at the front desk of the resort if there was one in the area. She gave me some directions, ending with "You'll see it on your right." I drove where she told me to and after about 2 miles of not seeing the Dunkins, I decided to stop and ask someone else. I pulled into a gas station to ask a guy pumping gas, and he pointed in the direction that I had come from and said, "You'll see it on your left." So, I drove back in that direction. After another 2 miles, still no Dunkins. So, I stopped at a 7-11. The cashier pointed in the direction that I had come from and said, "You'll see it on the right." Again, I was completely lost. In driving through the town the fourth time, I saw a shopping center, so I thought to myself...could that be where the Dunkin Donuts is? I pulled into the parking lot, and lo and behold, there is the Dunkin Donuts. I thought that it was funny that out of the three people that I asked, none of them thought to mention that the DD's was in a shopping center. Isn't that like a KEY step in the directions?

Anyway, once you get used to the locals being clueless, the whole North Fork area of LI is a pretty nice place. I'd like to stop and give a shout out to Dan the Bike Guy. How great is this: Basically, you can rent bikes from him for $25-$30 per person. He'll drop them off anywhere and he'll pick them up anywhere. And I have to admit we were a little high maintenance...we didn't tell him that we wanted helmets, he came back to the condo and dropped off the helmets. We forgot to turn in the helmets with the bikes, he came back and picked up the helmets. All with a smile on his face. I definitely recommend renting a bike through him if you're planning on biking through the North Fork. Which I wasn't, but I'll get to that in Part 3.

Wine Weekend Part 1: I'm on a boat...but my friends aren't.

This past weekend, I traveled to Wine Country, Long Island(?) to attend the bachelorette party of an old college friend. I knew that the weekend was going to be a blast--7 girls (most of whom I went to college with) in a condo for the weekend drinking wine, eating food, having some girl time. All good things. But, the getting there was worrying me. I'm not a big boat fan. I don't like the idea of not being able to leave a place if I don't want to stay there anymore. I went on a whale watch in the 10th grade during a stormy, rainy day that was less of a whale watch and more of a puke watch. Like a whole boat of Norovirus. I've been boat-wary ever since.

But, the neurotic in me couldn't stand the thought of not taking the most direct route to my destination. How could I drive 7.5 hours around the Long Island Sound instead of just taking the 1.5 hour ferry? So, that's how my friend Andrea and I found ourselves driving to the New London ferry.

We were meeting three other girls at the ferry itself. I had heard in the past that if you're taking more than one car on a ferry and traveling stand-by, it's nearly impossible to get your whole party on the same boat. However, we arrived at the same time and I couldn't believe our luck when a cute boat guy told us to go into the same lane that my friends were in. (Side note: If you ever want to go guy-watching and you don't feel weird ogling 20-year olds, hit a ferry dock!) I drove over to lane 3 where another cute boat guy was directing me straight ahead in the lane. Suddenly, the another-cute-boat-guy looked over his shoulder and moved me over to lane 2. As I got closer, he waved me over again, and moved me to Lane 1. Then, he directed me to the left, at which point I yelled to him, "Where am I going?" And he yelled back, "you're going on the boat." I just kept following his directions until he told me to park. But, as I believed that we were still in the parking lot, I didn't think much of it. I was a little bit confused when Andrea asked him, "Is this the 3:30?" And another-cute-boat-guy leaned over, looked at the clock on my dashboard and said, "yep". Slowly and finally, it dawned on me that I was actually on the boat, with the rest of my friends still in the parking lot. Somehow, even though there were six or seven cars in front of us, another-cute-boat-guy had helped us cut to the front of the line just as the boat began to leave. Andrea and I looked at each other...and burst out laughing. I think this picture accurately depicts how confused I was...

See the blue car that looks like it's about to fall off the back. Yeah, that's mine. The good news is that it happened so fast, I didn't have time to think about how much I didn't want to get on the boat. And guess what...I survived!

We ended up getting to the Cliffside Resort in Greenport, NY without any further confusion. I tossed a "Hey! You should come to the Cliffside. We can buy you beer!" to another-cute-boat-guy as we drove away. The others arrived safely and Night One was a great night of grilling burgers (well, I didn't grill burgers) and laughing and drinking and catching up. We ate a lot of cheese. We reminisced about college until we discovered that three out of the five of us who went to undergrad together had hooked up with the same guy, making it weird. (Just kidding about the weirdness: it was actually a running joke for the rest of the weekend) We sat on our condo patio and watched a beautiful sunset. I mused about how interesting it is to be able to watch the sun set over the water on the East Coast. To which my friend responded, "Uh, that's setting over Connecticut, but yes, very pretty." And we went to sleep looking forward to our wine weekend.