Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Sponge of Love

I think that the lead singer of the band, Sponge, love potion number nined me the other night. But, more about that later.

I've taken a few trips to the House of Blues in Boston recently. This past Saturday night, I saw the Summerland Tour. If this tour hasn't hit your town yet...go. GO! It is so awesome. It's put together by Art Alexakis of Everclear, and the lineup includes Everclear, Filter, Live, and Sponge. Granted, some of my friends gave me a tough time about going and yours will too (Crazy Pete: "Oh right! I forgot you took a time machine back to 1995 this weekend"). But it's worth the gibes and barbs when you jump headfirst into a nostalgia of flannel and wallet chains, eyebrow rings and long-sleeve billabong tees.

Now, I don't believe that I've mentioned this before, but I hate the House of Blues. I love the acoustics and I love the bands that they get. But some of the employees there are really mean and take their job way too seriously. I've seen people get kicked out for singing loudly, dancing silly, tripping up the stairs even though they're not drunk, just klutzy. And when you pay $50-70 dollars to see a band, getting kicked out for no reason at all is a big deal. Luckily, it's never happened to me, but I do think that a lot of the security there needs to take a page from the Middle-East-Do-Whatever-The-Fuck-You-Want-Just-Don't-Get-Us-Shut-Down Playbook and maybe ease up and relax just a tad.

All that being said, they don't let the over-zealous police academy dropout types in the Foundation Room, which is the VIP room at the House of Blues. It's not as VIP as you think. It only costs $20.00 extra to your ticket to gain access. But, it makes you feel important when you walk into a "members only" section of a concert venue, even if you only paid twenty bucks. And this was a special event as we were treated to an acoustic set by Everclear and a meet and greet. (Note: I've been to a few meet and greets, they are usually as awkward as flipping someone off in your car and then having to stop next to them at a red light. But, the members of Everclear are probably the friendliest, warmest musicians that I've ever met and we had a nice, cozy time.)

Ok, so back to Vinnie Dombroski and the magic rock star spell he put on me. When Sponge took the stage as the first band, I was excited! Molly! Plowed! I still remember being as mad as Glenn Beck at a bra-burning bonfire when I realized after I bought the Empire Records Soundtrack that Plowed wasn't on it! Those guys rocked! And I had heard about how sexy Vinnie the lead singer was, so I was psyched to see him on stage, as I'd never seen him before.

He took the stage...he was wearing a gigantic pyrite chain necklace, a jacket with no shirt, and a cowboy hat. I thought to myself...this is the guy? The sexy lead singer of Sponge? The one girls go crazy over? I came to the conclusion that maybe he just wasn't my type. "Just not for me," I thought to myself. And then he gripped the microphone and sang his first note. By the end of the show, I was pumping my fist in the air and jumping up and down, hoping that he would be able to get a glimpse of me among the crowd. I was THAT girl in the audience. That was ME. After their set, when they were signing CDs, I went up to him and said, "I really liked the new song." He looked deep into my eyes and said, "I think I'm in love with you." or maybe he said "thank you." Whatever. I do remember that he then asked me what my name was and  when I told him, he wrote: "To Sweet Melissa--Vin" on my CD. And even though I'm sure that he's written that to every woman named Melissa who has ever approached him with something to sign ever, it made me swoon. By the way, I'd like to personally thank the Allman Brothers for giving lead singers a hot way to sign my stuff.

In the past few days, my crush has developed into an unhealthy obsession. I went from "well, he's tall and goofy" to not being able to breathe when I come upon a picture of him on the internet. I'm scaring myself; I don't know my own stalker strength. I have found out where he lives (Detroit suburb). I've seen pictures of a barbecue at his friend's house. I'm close to friending his brother on facebook. If this is creeping all of you out, just imagine how I feel! I'm usually pretty laid back about my crushes. For example, I think that Seth Meyers and I would make a good couple and eventually it would be great if we could get married, but if it's meant to be, it'll be. I don't need to chase him down. But for four nights straight, I've been hugging my autographed CD to my chest before I go to bed every night. I've been trying to find the antidote by looking at pictures of him smoking cigarettes, smiling with his gold tooth in view, a desperate attempt to remind myself that he's probably disgusting. But, to no avail.

There's only one logical explanation...Vinnie Dombroski is a warlock. I'm under some form of hex. My PBR was spiked with the number niner. I wish I could remember how Tate Donovan and Sandra Bullock solved this problem, but alas I don't think I've ever seen the end of the movie.

To make it even more mysterious, the one thing that I can't find out about him is who he's married to. He was wearing a wedding ring, but there's no talk of his wife anywhere on google or wikipedia, or facebook. I think that it's all part of his evil plot. As we all know from George Costanza, wearing "the hardware" automatically makes women want to have sex with you. I suspect that Vinnie the Wonderful Wizard of Sponge knew exactly what he was doing and now I'm left with the daunting task of attending every Sponge concert in New England. Someday, I hope to find the cure for this Sponge sickness. Until then, Godspeed.

2 comments:

  1. Here I thought I was the only one .. If you do find a cure for this be sure to blog about it , otherwise, I think I'll just have to go cold turkey , and have minimal exposure..

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    Replies
    1. It's nice to know that we're not alone, isn't it? :) I'll be sure to blog the remedy. Likewise, please comment back if you break the spell!

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