The End of Dates

There's an episode of Friends in which the girls give Chandler a hard time because he ends his dates with "I'll give you a call". In their opinion, if he said something like that, the woman would expect that he'd actually call. (Surprise!) I remember thinking to myself when I saw the episode, "Exactly! Just say 'thanks, I had a nice time' and let that be the end of it."

But, last night, I realized that I have my own "I'll give you a call" line. I went out to dinner with someone that I met on match.com. It was a nice dinner and we had good conversation, but I wasn't sure if the chemistry was there. At the end of the date, instead of just saying, "Thanks for dinner", I awkwardly added a "We should hang out." as we parted ways. Why would I do that?? I was golden, walking away, making my escape, and for some odd reason, I felt that something needed to be said about future plans.  Luckily, he must have been feeling the same way because he threw back a "Yeah, we'll talk". (Side note: How weird is your reaction when someone that you're not interested in is uninterested back? All of the sudden, I was inexplicably insulted. "You know what, Spanky? I was not interested in you first.")

Back to the "We should hang out." Why would I say that if I didn't mean it, especially when I was out of the woods and walking away? I don't know if I've casually thrown that sentence out there in the past, and have just never noticed before. When I think about it, I do remember that on dates that have gone well, I've said something like, "I had a great time. When are we doing it again?" or "You should call me". But, if I've been throwing out the "We should hang out" line, is that fair? Am I being Chandler?

On the other hand, maybe Chandler was handling it just fine. If the other person were really interested, they would say something like, "So, what's up for your weekend?" and set up a second date. Or they would be more specific about the call, "I'll give you a call later." or "I'll give you a call tomorrow." Brutal honesty is a good idea for someone with whom you have a close relationship. But, what about someone that you're never going to see again? Does it matter? For someone that you're on a "small talk" level with, like a first date, it seems that it's ok to say something noncommittal and expect that the other person will pick up the social cue.

On the other other hand, I'm not going to rule out the possibility that Chandler and I are both just plain cowards.