This past weekend, I had a first date with a younger guy. Now, I generally date men who are about 5-7 years older than I am. I tend to click with the maturity of the men in the next high school generation. I've never really understood the concept of cougars and why they would want a younger guy, although my sister, Lori, put it in perspective for me. ("They do it because they want someone who will allow them to go out, have a good time, and make out with young men...and you already do that".)
Anyway, this particular young man is incredibly sweet and very smart and seemed like a good person to end my dating-waiting period. We decided to meet up in a bar in Harvard Square. I strategically planned this as my favorite Huey Lewis and the News cover band, Power of Love, was playing at the Sinclair and I had made plans to go. I figured if the date didn't go well, later plans would give me a Get Out of Date Free card, and if it did go well, he could come with me.
When we first met at the bar, he seemed really nervous. So, I suggested that he have a glass of wine, hoping that that would put him at more ease. I began to rethink this decision when he told me about his past "partying problems", and how as a result, he doesn't drink much. As an aside, it's very hard for me to judge the level of alcohol tolerance of others. Mine is extremely high. I could probably polish off a bottle of beaujolais by myself and then perform an appendectomy. But, I realize that there are people out there who have one or two glasses of a full-bodied wine, and next thing you know, they are getting into the back of a delivery car, because they think it's a cab.
And I happened to be out with one those people.
When we got to the concert, I introduced him to my friends and all seemed well. However, as the concert went on, it was like he forgot where we were: not in his bedroom, not in his car, not in a closet. He kept turning my head toward his and I would kiss him, but pull away before it got too passionate. I'd be moving his hands away from certain areas. It was like I was in some modern dance routine. I didn't know quite what to do. So, I gave him a talk, "Hey! I like you, but I'm not a really a PDA type person, so maybe we can slow it down a bit?" He said, "Sorry! You're right." And then five minutes later, it was like the conversation never happened and he was back to kissing my neck. Finally, he went to the restroom and I was able to breathe. The first thing I did was whisper to my friend Kristin, "he's so handsy." And she said, "yes, he's all over you. We've all dubbed him Hands Across Melissa". We didn't have much time to talk about it because he and his handsy hands were back.
I think that my friend, Ryan, could tell that I needed a bit of a break, so he asked if I wanted to go do a shot with him at the bar. He said to HAM, "we'll be right back" and he told me later that by the look on HAM's face, HAM wasn't that happy about not being invited along. As Ryan and I had a shot, we got into a conversation about plans for his upcoming wedding and next thing I knew, I got a text from HAM that said "Good night. Sorry you didn't have a good time. Best of luck to you." Well, I felt terrible. I didn't think we had been gone that long, and I thought that HAM would be ok and take my absence as a chance to get to know my friends better. When I showed the text to Ryan, he said, "He's tricking you". But, I still texted back. I smoothed things over, and he wants to give it a second chance, so we planned a second date.
All of this leads me to why I wrote this entry in the first place: I date older men for a reason. They're not still in a place where they miss making out on the dance floor of a frat party. They don't think you've ditched them when you've left for a few minutes and they realize that your disappearance is a good time to get some intel from your friends. And they can handle their liquor. So, while I'm interested to see where this goes...since he's smart, cute, funny, and gets both my Saved by the Bell and Seinfeld references, I'm not sure that a younger man is for me. I guess we'll wait and see. I do know that on the second date, I'm suggesting that he have a Coke.
